


in this calm sea, come and sink into my embrace

by gohoubi



Series: splinters of broken glass [3]
Category: Snowpiercer (TV 2020)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Post-Canon, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Dreams and Nightmares, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Everybody Lives, F/F, Flashbacks, Injury Recovery, Late Night Conversations, Major Character Injury, Medical Procedures, Medical Trauma, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pillow Talk, Serious Injuries, Slow To Update, a little smut...as a treat!!!!, audrey is kinda alexandra's other mom now, flip floppy update schedule...sorry y’all, no! more! train!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-12 16:35:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29013669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gohoubi/pseuds/gohoubi
Summary: It's been many years since the threat of Wilford vanished. Audrey and Melanie, together for four years, now face the newest obstacle: the now-thawed outside world. The danger has not disappeared with the melting ice, however—and both of them realise quickly their problems were not left behind on the train.
Relationships: Miss Audrey/Melanie Cavill
Series: splinters of broken glass [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1966345
Comments: 4
Kudos: 20





	1. Alexandra

**Author's Note:**

> Woohoo! Third installment of splinters of broken glass! I'm excited as heck, lol. I'm trying not to like. Tread over things that the show will be doing, and YES i know that the whole 'eArTh'S cOmInG bAcK aLiVe!!' will be a big plot point in the show, but I'm doing this my own way. Canon divergence from the last episode of season 1. For the purposes of this fic, season 2 does not exist. But y'all know that already...right?
> 
> When I say slow to update, I mean it. Though I will actually finish it, the schedule might be even longer: new chapter every two weeks. I'll decide as I go along. I already have like 12 chapters planned ~~but I'm not sure what this fic's proper length will be~~ yeah it's gonna be 20 chapters! I have finished my outline and we are ready!
> 
> We're back to an explicit rating. Trigger warnings where necessary.
> 
> Also, this fic is set 4 years after the preceding fic. Assuming that Alexandra was 9 at the time of departure, this makes her 21 years old, and the year overall is 2031 (if you accept the departure year of 2019 as canon.)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first day outside.

The door to the outside is open for the first time in twelve years.

The edges of the door is rusted, the rubber seal flaking away from the cold. Tiny clear globs of ice cling to the door frame. Soon, they will be all melted. The sun is shining just beyond, but the light does not encroach inside. Alex and everyone else remains in the shadow.

“Today, we go outside. Today, we leave this train, for the first time in twelve years. Today, we will live on the land again. We will put down roots here, and we will rebuild!” Even Alex finds herself stirred by Layton’s words. A fresh start…maybe. “And now…it’s time. To take that first step.”

Melanie leans over to him, whispers something in his ear. Alex is too far away to hear properly. Layton nods, steps back. Melanie turns to her. “Alexandra,” she calls, beckoning her out of the crowd. “You first.”

 _Me…first?_ A ripple of confusion goes through the crowd. “But, Melanie—”

“It’s okay,” Melanie says, giving a reassuring smile. “You go on, honey. We’ll be right behind you.”

The boarding ramp has been put down; the end of it is sunken into the dirt. It’s only five metres to the ground. Alex hasn’t even crossed the threshold yet. She should probably hurry up—she’s holding everyone else up—but nobody looks particularly impatient. Maybe they share her apprehension. Alex looks at the thin line between the ramp and the ground. She can’t put it into words, but she knows it’s a border between her old life on the train, and her new life outside. She’ll never be a passenger again. Alex will never be able to truly call the train home again.

A breeze from outside comes inside. It’s fresh, it’s clean, it’s brisk. So unlike the constantly recycled air of Snowpiercer. The crowd bristles; they’ve noticed it too. Alex turns back to look at the people assembled behind her. Layton nods. Melanie looks proud. Everyone else seems wary—as if they’re glad they don’t have to experience it first.

Alex takes one step, then another. The boarding ramp creaks underneath her. She goes past the door: and the first thing that hits her is the light. It’s bright. Very bright. It emboldens Alex, and she takes the rest of the ramp at a dead sprint. 

The ground is springy under her feet, the air is brisk and clean. Alex looks up to the sky; it’s blue, and it’s endless. The horizon is hazy and distant. She spins in a circle, taking everything in—everything is saturated, bright, crazed, riotous green and blue and brown and white. It’s too much; it assaults every single one of her senses.

A light step on the boarding ramp breaks the silence; it’s Melanie. “We did it,” is all she says, then Alex is swept into a crushing hug, her face squished against her mother’s chest. Alex can hear Bennett laughing—he’s there with them both. Not two seconds later Javi joins their huddle, and then they’re all together, alternately laughing and crying in each other’s arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yell at me on tumblr @gohoubi


	2. Audrey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Audrey's first time outside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so like...apparently Clay, the guy from the Nightcar who dressed in fishnets and lipstick DIED on the show? Like during the war, he just up and died? Where was this?

The fresh air burns Audrey’s lungs, almost to the point of pain. She underestimated the effect of breathing recycled, purified air for eight years. It isn’t quite a tundra, but it’s still cold and brisk. All at once, the ground tips, and she has to lean hard on Alexandra. Audrey’s ears buzz, the noise drowning everything else out. She squeezes her eyes shut, but the dizziness does not abate in the slightest.

“Shit,” Alexandra says. “Breathe.”

“It’s fine, it’s fine,” Audrey gets out, not wanting to worry Alexandra. “Just gotta. Just gotta sit down.” Alexandra leads her to a crate that’s been put out, and Audrey sits—or more flops—onto it. Under the dizziness, she is vaguely aware of the fact that she is _still_ —on flat, stable ground. No longer on a constantly moving, swaying train. Alexandra sits next to her. Audrey stays on the crate, bent double, head in her hands, for what seems like eternity. Just when she thinks she can’t take the dizziness anymore, it eases off. Audrey looks up from her curled up position. “God, that’s awful.”

“Dr Walker told me about this years ago,” Alexandra says. “Your body’s equilibrium has adjusted to being on a constantly moving train. It’ll take a few weeks for it to get used to this.”

“A few weeks?” Audrey can’t even see clearly—everything is so green and vibrant. “Great. Just great.”

Audrey had been near the back of the crowd when the doors to the outside were open. The fresh air had rolled over the crowd, rousing them into motion like by an electric charge. They’d gone slowly, as if through a thick sludge. It ended up taking twenty minutes for everyone to get onto the ground. People milled around, huddling against the wind and looking at the scenery with a mix of joy and trepidation. She’d gone out there, hand in hand with Zarah and Clay. Standing out there with the wind on her face and a horizon that wasn’t at most twenty metres away. Until the dizziness hit, and hard. Audrey’s vision is still slightly blurry. “I can’t see much.”

“You’ll get there.”

“Where’s”—Audrey nearly says your mom, but catches herself just in time—“Melanie?”

“She went off with Layton,” says Alexandra, crossing her legs on top of the crate. “I think to make sure everything came apart correctly.”

Audrey scoffs. “Why aren’t you there, then?”

“They didn’t need me, they wanted Melanie.” Alexandra bites her lip, then sighs. “That’s just how it is. The work will come. Might as well enjoy the view.”

And it is a nice view—once Audrey’s vision clears up enough for her to enjoy it. Snow is still clinging to some of the trees, but it will melt soon; it drips towards the ground. The leaves are emerald green and the ground is rich, earthy brown, but it is also unsettling. There are no birds, no wildlife, no nothing. Audrey knows that if she digs her hands into the dirt she’ll find nothing living beneath. Except for nematodes, whispers Alexandra’s voice in her head.

Can’t even see them, Audrey thinks bitterly. She decides to voice this: “It’s too quiet. I’m too used to seeing birds and things around…and now there’s nothing. It’s just silent.”

“It’ll come back. Eventually.” Alexandra looks over her with a searching gaze. “Eventually there will be animals again. Things that…aren’t human.”

“I remember when you could look up and see birds flying. Or squirrels. Or even a rat. God, I hated them when I lived in New York, but I’d love to see one now.”

“Maybe there are frozen animals under the ice. Like another ice age. Another fossil age. When the snow melts, you’ll find them underneath.”

“I’m wondering whether that’s weirdly beautiful or horribly depressing.”

“It’s kind of both, don’t you think?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Technically the 'nematodes will survive!!!' conversation happened in S2, but...come on....


	3. Melanie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A night in Audrey and Melanie's room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I saw 2x06 and yeah...that cliffhanger made me cry.

Two months after the train stopped, Mel has finally gotten into some sort of routine. The Nightcar was separated from the cars connected to it when Snowpiercer reached land. Now it is a focal point of the settlement, somewhere that everyone can converge on after a day’s hard work. This meant that Audrey and Mel could keep the upstairs closet room. Mel is grateful for that, but it doesn’t have the same feel that it used to. She’s used to watching dead skyscrapers pass by the window; the floor creaking every time the train turned a corner; the hum of the train chugging along underneath her. Now there’s none of that—and the floor only creaks if one of them puts a foot wrong.

It is nighttime, late after the settlement has gone to sleep. The moon slides out from behind a cloud. Audrey, facing towards the window, is illuminated by it. The soft white glow makes her look almost ethereal.

“God, you’re beautiful,” Mel says without thinking.

“Glad you think so.”

“You know, if I’d known twelve years ago I would be in a relationship with Wilford Industries’ mental health liaison today…I might have made more effort to get to know you earlier.”

“I’m just glad we have this now.” Audrey reaches out, strokes Mel’s hair off her forehead. The action never fails to make her melt. “I’m grateful I have you.”

“Despite knowing who I am? And what I did?” They’ve been together four years, but Mel still waits for Audrey to confirm that she is just as pathetic and broken and irredeemable as she thinks she is. That confirmation hasn’t come yet, and it probably never will.

“Yes. And I’ll keep saying it till you believe it.”

Audrey’s hand finds Mel’s under the covers. “I love you,” Mel says.

“I love you too.” When Audrey pulls Mel in closer, she doesn’t resist. When their lips meet, Mel can only taste her skin; no alcohol, no smoke, no lipstick. For some reason this is so much more intoxicating—this is pure unfiltered Audrey. Mel can’t suppress the moans of pleasure—or the gasp that tears itself out when Audrey’s hand moves down to between her legs. Before Mel knows it, Audrey is pulling her shirt off. Mel does the same to her, tossing the shirt in the corner. She’s mildly disappointed there’s no bra, but it doesn’t last long. Audrey’s body glows pale like a marble statue in the moonlight from the window. When Mel holds her round the waist Audrey feels so warm and inviting she could cry. “Are we doing this?”

“Only if you want to,” Audrey says mischievously, the corner of her mouth curling up in a smirk. She runs one of her fingers down Mel’s arm, eliciting tiny sparks of electricity. Audrey comes even closer, her body pressed up against Mel’s. “I do want to,” Mel whispers. _I do, so much._

Unlike other times they’ve done this, there’s no music from downstairs, no train chugging underneath them. It’s completely silent in the attic room, and every noise the both of them make is amplified. Audrey’s fingers move inside Mel so fast she can barely keep up with it. In the silence, her own heartbeat feels as loud as thunder. Mel feels warmth building between her legs. As the heat mounts, so does her heart rate—counting down to release.

When the release does come, it’s in the form of strangled moans and blurring vision. Mel imagines every synapse lighting up, a web of lights, Mel’s brain on fire. Her extremities are tingling. Audrey’s fingers withdraw gently. “I don’t know where your body ends and my hands begin,” she says, and Mel laughs in spite of herself. 

Every other time had been rushed, inelegant; even with Ben, their lovemaking had been constrained by time and danger. It had to be like that, quick snatches of affection caught when their shifts lined up or when nobody else was awake. Always with one eye on the door, terrified of being found out. Mel hasn’t realised how much being _safe_ meant—there is no risk anymore, nobody will hurt her, nobody looks upon her relationship with suspicion. She has nothing to hide and no appearance to keep up. Mel allows herself to sink into this feeling—it is safe to enjoy it. “That’s so good,” she breathes. “It should be. I’ve been working on that for a long time,” Audrey says only half-sarcastically.

Mel realises she feels sleepy. The lingering pleasure from Audrey and general tiredness makes for a very relaxing combination. “God, I’m so tired,” she says, rolling over to face Audrey. “With everything that’s been going on…I haven’t had a moment to relax.”

“Layton keeping you working?”

“Yeah. But it’s just…there’s so much to do. I thought once I stopped pretending who I was, I wouldn’t have to work so hard. But it’s a different kind of work.”

“It’s the same in the Nightcar. People are finally able to heal from their trauma, so they come here. More people than we know what to do with.”

"It’ll get better,” Mel says, mostly just to convince herself.

“Yeah. It will. It’s already better for me. I’m with you.”

It’s such a matter-of-fact declaration, and Mel melts because of it. “I love you,” says Audrey, snuggling up to her.

“I love you too,” Mel responds, the string tethering her to wakefulness fraying. She lets sleep take her, fully content in the knowledge that she’s safe, ready for tomorrow to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sex scenes are still difficult for me to write. I'm getting better but it's still hard! I'll get there though :D


End file.
